From some time ago I had enough of the eternal world separation between men and women. You know, the famous saying that all men are made by the same mother and all women are Oscar winners at rivers of tears and emotional blackmail. All of the sudden you wake up in a category, not knowing what to do with your uniqueness. Even so, sometimes or periodically, here I am generalizing things, what can you do about it.
So let’s take as a case study a couple after the well known first three years of their relationship, period in which everything happens without any effort from both sides. I would choose one problem from the many they need to surpass, meaning their sexual life and I would start generalizing a bit. It seems that in most of the cases, his desire stays high, while she becomes metaphysical exactly when the table is set. He inflates himself with frustrations like a sail will catch the wind, while she feels as misunderstood as Jesus was by the Jews. He threatens with manual works, she just looks at him with a superior smile, full of disgust. He mentions that he will start consuming powder milk, breastfeeding wouldn’t be enough anymore, she bursts into tears and she calls all her friends.
The biggest irony is that each one requires a bit of understanding from the other one. He claims the biological truth, explaining that his needs are different by nature and those needs need to be satisfied. She talks then about what her heart needs, pretending that she cannot have sex on demand, immediately when his biological wind blows. He needs to pose as the creator of the intimacy that they used to experience, to take out the gift of listening from his saddlebag and also his abilities of curing, to connect to the stars to better feel her thoughts and her emotions. He cannot walk all day hunting in his pre-historical clothes, talking all day long with the other hunters while she kills herself cooking over the fire with their children hanging on her skirt. And after dinner he just sets the rock by the entrance in the cave, looking lasciviously to his woman. No, not this way anymore, cause the times are different, the women have evolved by extending their right to vote in society and within their household. Besides his tasks as a hunter, modern life requires from him also a part-time job as a cook and babysitter. Maybe he did not notice, but since a while ago, every morning she brings the children to the wise man of the village and then she goes also in the forests looking for food. In the evenings, she is dead tired, feeling attracted more by the pillow than by his beautiful sweating hunter body.
He understands nothing from this new world order and he claims back the beginning of their relationship when she was extremely radiant and available. He cannot understand what changed since then. Full of tears, she explains that at the beginning he was different, more gentle, more caring and more present. He looks at her with big eyes and concludes bitterly that he is the same person, everything happens in her head which by the way encountered a short circuit lately. He can see with his eyes the way thoughts are moving in her head like cars in traffic, his opinion being that she needs to approach a specialist, better saying a traffic police officer. Of course, now she will push that button for tears, known only by her, and here we go another evening spent with philosophical conversations, ended with an angry sleep, back to back like two potatoes bags.
On another evening, she tries to calmly explain to him that she understands his frustrations, still he also needs to understand that her body functions optimally only if her mind and heart are settled, pouring balance and well being into her beautiful body. She expects that he will act as an engineer, keeping under control her mind just as a machine in a factory. But she doesn’t want things to happen like in that nice English movie watched together in which the wife, cold as a piece of meat from the refrigerator, offers her services to her husband, at the end telling him bluntly: „this should be enough for a while”. Suffering from abstinence, he is about to say that it’s better this way than nothing, but he stops just in time otherwise he will witness again rivers of tears and sighs until late in the night. He had enough of going to the office next morning, not only full of abstinence, but also tired as a carthorse.
What should be then the winning solution of this case study? Maybe the man should sharpen his sword of femininity and learn to handle it with more elegance. And the woman should give up her expectations of her guy being at the same time a hunter, a shrink, a father, a brother, a lover, a husband, a friend. And to clean by herself her eternal full of thoughts mind which brings back at the surface, exactly when the bed is made, all kind of old and unsolved frustrations from let’s say five years ago when he was found guilty of a crime for which he was already convicted several times.